Feedback
Respond to feedback you disagree with
A simple way to push back on feedback and keep the conversation open
Thank them, ask for one example, take a day, then go back with what you agree with and one question about the rest.
- 10 minutes
- You and one person
- When it happens
- Conversation
Why this can work
When you disagree with feedback, your first reply is the one most likely to go wrong. Asking for an example and taking a day turns a standoff into a real exchange, and often shows you the part they're right about. Coming back with what you agree with first makes your question about the rest much easier to hear.
Read moreHow to respond to feedback you disagree with
You’ll come away with a reply that takes in what's fair and asks about what isn't.
- Thank them, and stop there.
In the moment, you don't need to agree or argue. A thank-you keeps the door open and buys you time.
You“Thanks for telling me. I want to think about it properly.” - Ask for one example.
A specific time they saw it. Examples tell you what they actually mean, which is often narrower, or different, from the label they used.
You“Can you give me an example of when you saw that, so I know exactly what you mean?” - Take a day.
Look at the example from their side. What were they trying to get done, and how did your part look from where they sat?
Tip: If you need longer, say when you'll come back. A clear time sounds very different from silence.
- Go back with what you agree with first.
There's usually something. Say it plainly, and say what you'll do about it.
To: the person who gave you the feedbackThanks again for the feedback on what it was about. I've had a chance to think about it.
You're right that the part you agree with, and I'm going to what you'll do.
The part I'm less sure about is the part you see differently. Could you help me understand what you're seeing there? I might be missing something.
Swap the highlighted parts for your thing. Works on Slack, in email, or said out loud. - Ask one question about the rest.
A question, not a rebuttal. It lets them fill in what you might be missing, or reconsider, without either of you having to lose.
You“The part I'm less sure about is that it's a pattern. Can you help me see where else it's come up?”
Good times to repeat it: the day after feedback you disagree withafter a review comment that surprised youany time you want to push back without a fight
Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
A lot of disagreement with feedback is really confusion about what was meant. An example clears that up before you've argued with something they didn't say.
What might make this harder
Use the same steps, in writing if that's how reviews work where you are. Ask what they'd need to see from you next, which is more useful than debating the past.
Questions people ask
How do you respond to feedback you don't agree with?
Thank them, ask for a specific example, and take a day. Then go back with what you agree with and one question about the rest.
How do I disagree with my manager's feedback professionally?
Acknowledge what's fair first, ask what they're seeing, and focus on what they'd need to see from you going forward. Calm and specific tends to land better than a point-by-point defense.
Should I respond to feedback right away?
A short thank-you right away is good. A considered response usually works better a day later, once you've understood what they meant.
What if the feedback is just wrong?
It may be. Ask for an example first and look at it from their side. If you still disagree, say so respectfully. You don't have to act on feedback you've thought through and set aside.
Why this works, and where it comes from
The moment you hear feedback you think is wrong is the moment you're least able to judge it. Your mind is already building the counterargument, and whatever you say next tends to come out as a defense. Most of the damage from disagreeing with feedback happens in the first two minutes. The other person learns that being honest with you costs them something, and the conversation you actually needed doesn't happen.
Asking for an example and taking a day changes that. The example tells you what they actually saw, which is often narrower and more reasonable than the label they put on it. The day gives you time to look at it from their side: what they needed, what they could see, what they couldn't. This follows the approach in Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, who argue that the first job is to understand feedback, and only then to decide what you think of it. They describe how quickly people jump to spotting what's wrong in feedback and use that to dismiss the rest.
Going back with what you agree with first isn't a softening move. There's almost always something, and saying it plainly shows you listened. Naming what's fair is what earns you a real hearing on what isn't. Then one question, rather than a rebuttal, invites them to explain or reconsider without either of you having to lose.
Sometimes you'll still disagree, and that's fine. You can say so, decide not to act on it, and stay on good terms. What people tend to remember is whether you were someone they could be straight with. Handle this well a couple of times and you'll likely get more honest input, not less.
Other simple things to consider
What to do next
More in Feedback
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An exercise written by Truest, based on our experience. Last updated September 25, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.