Something to readChanging jobs
Friend of a Friend
A book about the hidden networks around your career, and the value of looser ties
Why it’s worth your time
David Burkus's Friend of a Friend is a calm answer to networking dread: it argues the opportunities you need tend to sit in the network you already have, among people you rarely see. Drawing on network science, he makes the case for acquaintances, old colleagues you've drifted from, and the people one introduction away, which may suit anyone who'd rather send a short note than work a room.
Networking with people you already know
The book · About 4 hours of reading · Buy or borrow
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- Start with the opening chapter.
It sets up the difference between strong and weak ties. Each chapter ends with a From Science to Practice summary, a quick way to decide whether a chapter is worth reading in full.
- Write to one dormant tie this week.
Pick someone you used to work with closely and haven't spoken to in a year or more. Send a short note that mentions something specific, like news they've shared or a project you did together, and ask what they're working on now. Ask for nothing else.
Good moments for this: before you start a job searchwhen a former colleague shares newsafter a move to a new team
Keep going with Truest
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Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
In one interview, Burkus suggests regularly asking contacts who they know in a field you're curious about, well before you ask for an introduction. It's closer to asking for advice than asking for a favor, and it's often easier to answer.
What might make this harder
Burkus's case that most of us already have the network we need is easiest to use with some history behind you, though he argues the people one or two introductions away count too. Send this week's note to one of the few people you do know, and ask who else you should meet.
Questions people ask
What is Friend of a Friend by David Burkus about?
It's a 2018 book by David Burkus, then an associate professor of leadership and innovation, on what network science says about careers. He argues that weak ties, dormant ties and people one or two introductions away are where many new opportunities come from, more than close friends or strangers.
What is the difference between weak ties and dormant ties?
In Burkus's terms, a weak tie is someone you know but not well, like an acquaintance from another floor. A dormant tie is someone you once knew well and lost touch with. Both tend to know things and people your close circle doesn't.
How do I reconnect with old colleagues without it being awkward?
Keep the note short, mention something specific you shared or something they've posted, and ask what they're working on. Asking for nothing the first time usually makes replying easy.
Is Friend of a Friend worth reading?
If networking events wear you out, likely yes: it's built around the network you already have, including people one or two introductions away, more than around meeting strangers.
What it says, and how it holds up
In a conversation with Claire Diaz-Ortiz, David Burkus says he's probably felt the pull to blame himself for being bad at networking, and that researching this book was encouraging. He describes the familiar scene of stirring a drink in the corner of a mixer, and says his research pointed to the lack of structure at those events, more than any personal failing, as the reason they feel awkward. In his telling, the network worth working is the one you're already inside. Friend of a Friend, published in 2018 while he was teaching leadership and innovation at Oral Roberts University, is his case for that.
The core distinction is between close ties and everyone else. Close contacts, he argues, tend to know the people and information you already know. Weak ties, your acquaintances, and dormant ties, the people you've drifted from, sit elsewhere in the network and see different openings, while still knowing and trusting you. He opens the book with a dormant tie: Adam Rifkin's email to Graham Spencer, an old friend he'd lost touch with who had just sold his company, which got a reply because it wasn't really cold.
In his review, Dan Pontefract set it apart from networking books that prescribe the same transactional moves, and singled out its stories, from an NFL executive who found her role through looser connections to the film producer Brian Grazer's habit of curiosity conversations. Burkus also talks through weak ties, structural holes and two small habits, a quick note to an old contact and asking people who they know in a field, in a free LEADx podcast interview, a shorter way in than the book.
If you left a team on bad terms, or the person you'd write to could hire you right now, a breezy catch-up note can read as a pitch in disguise. In those cases a plain message about why you're getting in touch usually goes over better than a casual one.
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Picked by Truest and described in our own words. The original belongs to its creator. Last updated October 9, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.