Working with others
Ask what keeps them here
A simple conversation to learn what keeps someone on your team, while there's still time to protect it
In a regular 1:1, ask your report what keeps them here and what might tempt them away, then listen.
- 20 minutes
- You and one report
- A few times a year
- Conversation
Why this can work
The best time to learn why someone stays is while they're still staying. Asking now, when nothing is wrong, gives you an early warning and a chance to protect what matters to them, before anyone else makes them an offer.
Read moreHow to run a stay interview
You’ll come away with one thing to protect for this person, and one early sign to watch for.
- Pick a calm week.
A regular 1:1 in an ordinary week, not the week after a reorg or a resignation on the team. Asking when things are quiet tells them this is curiosity, not alarm.
Tip: If you're asking everyone on the team, say so. It takes the worry out of why you're asking them.
- Say why you're asking.You“I want to understand what's working for you here, so I don't take it for granted. Can I ask you a couple of questions about that?”
- Ask what keeps them here.
Then wait a little longer than feels comfortable. The first answer is often the polite one, and the second is usually truer.
You“What keeps you here? What would you miss most if you moved on?” - Ask what might tempt them away.
This is the question that feels risky, and it's the one that gives you the early warning. You aren't asking whether they're looking. You're asking what would make an offer interesting.
You“If a recruiter called with something tempting, what would make it tempting?” - Say what you'll do with it.
Name one thing you can act on, and be honest about what you can't. Come back to it within a few weeks, so they see the question led somewhere.
Tip: Write down what they said. In six months it will be easy to forget, and they'll notice if you have.
Good times to repeat it: a few times a year, in a regular 1:1after a big change on the teamwhen someone on the team leaves
Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
Managers often assume their people stay for the reasons they would. One person stays for the flexibility, another for what they're learning, another for a colleague they'd hate to lose. The only way to know is to ask each one.
What might make this harder
Say plainly that nothing prompted it. Then ask again in a few months, so it becomes normal rather than alarming.
Questions people ask
What is a stay interview?
A conversation with someone on your team about why they stay and what might tempt them to leave, held while they're still settled enough to answer honestly. It's the opposite of an exit interview, and more useful, because you can still act on it.
What questions should I ask in a stay interview?
Two or three is enough: what keeps you here, what would you miss most if you moved on, and what would make another offer tempting. Follow whatever they say with a why.
How often should managers do stay interviews?
A few times a year works for most teams, folded into a regular 1:1. Asking again after a reorg or a teammate leaving is worth it too.
Will asking make my employee think about leaving?
Asking calmly, in an ordinary week, tends to read as care rather than worry, especially if you ask everyone on the team.
Why this works, and where it comes from
Resignations rarely come as a surprise to the person writing them. The reasons build quietly: a skill they stopped using, a teammate who left, something promised that never happened. Often the decision is made well before anyone announces it. An exit interview captures all of it, at exactly the moment it's too late to use.
From your report's side, raising any of this unprompted is risky. Telling your manager what would tempt you away can sound like announcing you're halfway out the door, so most people say nothing, and the manager never gets a chance to help. Asking takes that risk off them. You're the one bringing it up, calmly, in an ordinary week, and that gives them permission to be honest.
Stay interviews usually arrive as an HR program with a fixed list of questions. This version is smaller: one or two questions folded into a 1:1 you already have, asked again every few months. The questions matter less than the fact that you keep asking. Over time people learn that telling you early actually leads somewhere, and they start doing it without being asked.
It isn't the right move in the middle of layoffs, or the week after you've had to say no on pay. Asking what keeps someone when you can't protect anything can feel hollow. In those weeks, listen for what they need right now, and save this for when you can act on what you hear.
Other simple things to consider
What to do next
More in Working with others
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An exercise written by Truest, based on our experience. Last updated September 25, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.