Workload & wellbeing
Sort a worry into control, influence, or accept
A simple exercise to turn a worry that keeps circling into one thing you can actually do
Take one thing that's weighing on you, sort it into what you control, what you can influence, and what you'll accept for now, and act on the first two.
- 10 minutes
- Just you
- Whenever a worry sticks
- Worksheet
Why this can work
A worry keeps circling because it arrives as one lump, and part of that lump isn't yours to fix. Sorting it separates what you can do today from what you can nudge by talking to someone, and from what you can set down. The first two get a plan, and the third gets permission to rest.
Read moreHow to focus on what you can control
You’ll come away with one move you can make this week, and one thing you've decided to set down.
- Pick the one worry that's loudest right now.
Not the whole pile. One thing that keeps coming back when you're trying to think about something else.
Tip: If a few worries are tangled together, start with the one it would help most to untangle.
- Write it in one sentence, then sort it into three lists.
Make the sentence specific. "Things feel off with my team" is hard to sort; "I think I'm being left out of next quarter's planning" is not. Then list what you control, what you can influence, and what you'll accept for now. A few words per line is plenty.
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Tip: Something can sit in two lists. A decision may be out of your hands while how you respond to it is entirely yours.
- Look hard at the middle list.
Influence usually means a conversation you haven't had yet: a question you could ask, a need you haven't said out loud, information that the person deciding would want. Name who it is.
You“I've been thinking about next quarter's planning, and I'd like to be part of it. I think I could help on the customer side. Would that be useful to you?”Tip: Frame it around what they're trying to get done. An ask that helps them succeed is an easy one to say yes to.
- Pick one move and put it on your calendar.
One thing from the first two lists, with a day attached. Small is fine. What matters is that the worry now has a next step that lives outside your head.
- Set the last list down, on purpose.
Read the accept list once and decide it isn't yours to carry this week. If something on it might change, pick a date to look again, rather than checking on it every hour.
Good times to repeat it: whenever a worry keeps coming backbefore a week that already feels heavyafter news you can't do anything about
Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
Many things we file as out of our hands are decisions someone makes without knowing what we'd need. If you haven't told them, they never had the chance to help.
What might make this harder
It's probably several worries. Give each its own line, pick the one that would help most, and sort that one first.
Questions people ask
How do I stop worrying about things at work I can't control?
Separate them from the parts you can. Write the worry down, list what you control, what you can influence, and what you'll accept for now, then act on one thing from the first two lists. Knowing where not to spend your energy is often what lets you stop.
What is the circle of control?
A way of sorting concerns into what you control directly, what you can influence, and what you can't change. Stephen Covey popularized a version of it as the circle of influence, and the core idea goes back to the Stoic philosopher Epictetus.
What's the difference between control and influence at work?
Control is what you do yourself: your work, your preparation, what you say. Influence is what someone else decides but you can affect, by asking, offering information, or telling them what you need.
Does accepting something mean I agree with it?
No. It means you've decided not to spend your energy on it for now. You can disagree with a decision, set it down anyway, and look at it again if something changes.
Why this works, and where it comes from
Most work worries don't arrive in pieces. They arrive as one lump: the project, the manager, the rumor, the thing someone said in a meeting. A lump can't be solved, so your mind keeps picking it up to check on it. That's the circling. It isn't a character flaw; it's what an unsorted problem feels like from the inside.
The idea of sorting is very old. The Handbook of the Stoic philosopher Epictetus opens by separating what is up to us from what is not. Stephen Covey, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, drew it as a circle of influence inside a larger circle of concern, and pointed out the middle ground of things you can affect indirectly. Here it becomes a short worksheet with three lists and one rule: you leave with a move, not just a calmer mood.
The middle list is where most of the leverage lives. People can influence their situation more than they think, and at work, influence mostly looks like a conversation. Your manager may not know you want to be in the planning meeting. The other team may not know their deadline lands on your worst week. From their side, a clear and specific ask is useful information, especially when it's framed around what they're trying to get done.
The last list matters too. Deciding on purpose that something isn't yours to carry this week is different from pretending it doesn't bother you. And this isn't the right tool for every worry. If something weighs on you constantly, or it's bound up with your health or your life outside work, a worksheet may not be enough, and talking to someone is the better next step.
Other simple things to consider
What to do next
More in Workload & wellbeing
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Written by Truest, based on The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen R. Covey) and Enchiridion (The Handbook) (Epictetus). Last updated September 25, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.