Working with your manager
Escalate together when it matters
A careful way to take a serious disagreement further without going behind anyone's back
When a disagreement with your manager is too important to let go, tell them you'd like to raise it, and take both views to the person who decides, together.
- About 30 minutes
- You and your manager
- Rarely
- Conversation
Why this can work
Some disagreements are too important to settle by one person giving in, but going around your manager can damage trust for years. Raising it openly, with both views written fairly, turns a complaint about someone into a request for a decision. The person who decides gets what they need to decide well, and your manager never hears about it secondhand.
Read moreHow to escalate a disagreement with your manager
You’ll come away with a fair write-up of both views and a clear decision from the person who owns it.
- Check that it really matters.
Be honest with yourself. Would this seriously affect customers, colleagues, money or the company's reputation? Is it hard to undo? Does the call really sit above your manager? If none of those is true, saying your piece and letting it go may serve you better.
Tip: Try arguing your manager's side as well as they would. If you can't yet, you may not fully understand it.
- Tell your manager you'd like to take it further.
Say it directly, early, and calmly. Frame it as getting a decision, not as appealing their judgment.
You“I know we see this differently, and I think it matters enough to get a decision from whoever owns it. Would you be open to taking it up together, with both of our views laid out?” - Write both views, fairly, in one note.
The decision needed, the options, and the strongest case for each, including your manager's. Ask them to check that their side reads right. A write-up your manager would sign is far more persuasive than one they'd dispute.
To: the person who decidesYour manager and I see the decision differently, and we'd like your call on it.
The decision: what needs deciding, and by when.
Option one, which your manager favors: the option. The case for it: their strongest reasons.
Option two, which I favor: the option. The case for it: your strongest reasons.
We'll both get behind whichever you choose.
Swap the highlighted parts for your thing. Works on Slack, in email, or said out loud. - Take it up together.
Send the note jointly, or bring it to a meeting where you're both in the room. Let the person who decides ask each of you questions.
- Back the call, and close the loop.
Whatever comes back, support it fully. Thank your manager for raising it with you; that's not a small thing to agree to.
You“Thanks for taking that up with me. I'm glad we got a clear answer, and I'm fully behind it.”
Good times to repeat it: when the stakes are high and hard to undowhen the decision sits above your managerwhen a disagreement has stalled important work
Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
Framed that way, it's an ordinary part of how organizations work. Framed as an appeal against your manager, it rarely goes well.
What might make this harder
Ask why, and really listen. If you still believe it's serious, tell them you plan to raise it anyway and will represent their view fairly. Doing it openly is what keeps it from being a betrayal.
Questions people ask
Is it okay to go over my manager's head?
Sometimes, for things that genuinely matter. The version that tends to work is the open one: tell your manager first, lay out both views fairly, and take it up together rather than around them.
How do I escalate an issue without damaging my relationship with my boss?
Tell them before you do it, frame it as needing a decision rather than proving them wrong, and write their view as fairly as your own. Surprise is usually what does the damage.
When should I escalate a disagreement at work?
When the stakes are high and hard to undo, when the decision sits above your manager, or when it's stalling important work. For most everyday disagreements, saying your piece and committing works better.
What should an escalation email include?
The decision needed and by when, the options, and the strongest case for each, including the view you disagree with. End by saying you'll both support whatever's decided.
Why this works, and where it comes from
Escalating has a bad reputation, mostly because of how it's usually done. Someone disagrees, feels unheard, and goes to their manager's boss without saying so. The boss hears one side, the manager hears about it secondhand, and trust takes a hit that can last for years. Even when the person was right on the substance, the way it happened is what everyone remembers.
The open version is a different thing entirely. You tell your manager you think it matters enough to get a decision from whoever owns it, you write both views down fairly, and you take it up together. From your manager's side, nothing happened behind their back, their argument was presented well, and they may even be glad to hand a hard call upward. From the decider's side, it's a gift: a clear question, the best case for each option, and two people ready to back the answer.
The hardest part comes before any of that: being honest with yourself about whether it really matters. Most disagreements aren't worth escalating, and treating every one as if it were uses up credibility you'll want for the ones that are.
Workplaces differ a lot here. In some, taking a disagreement up a level together is routine and seen as healthy. In others, any conversation above a manager's head gets read as a signal. Neither is wrong; they're different cultures, and it helps to know which one you're in. What holds in both is that raising something openly and fairly, then backing the decision, tends to leave relationships intact.
Other simple things to consider
What to do next
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An exercise written by Truest, based on our experience. Last updated September 25, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.