Working with your manager
Ask your manager for one thing to change
A micro exercise to hear what your manager hasn't found the moment to say
Ask your manager one direct question about what you could do, or stop doing, to make working with you easier, then listen and thank them.
- 5 minutes
- You and your manager
- Every month or two
- Conversation
Why this can work
Most managers have something they'd like you to do differently and haven't found the moment to say it. One specific question gives them that moment, and asking it yourself makes it far safer for them to answer. What comes back is usually small and fixable, the kind of thing that would otherwise surface in a review.
Read moreHow to ask your manager for honest feedback
You’ll come away with one concrete thing to change, from the person whose view of your work matters most.
- Pick a calm moment.
A regular 1:1 is ideal, toward the end. Avoid the middle of a crunch or the day after something went wrong.
Tip: Some managers answer better with a day to think. Sending the question ahead is fine.
- Ask the question, word for word.
The wording is doing a lot. It's about working together, not about your worth, and asking what to stop gives them room to name the habit that's actually been bothering them.
To: your managerIn our next 1:1 I'd like to ask you one question, so here it is ahead of time: is there anything I could do, or stop doing, that would make it easier to work with me?
Small things are very welcome. I'd rather hear them now than later.
Swap the highlighted parts for your thing. Works on Slack, in email, or said out loud. - Wait through the first no.
Many people's first answer is that everything's fine. Let the silence sit for a few seconds, then ask something narrower.
You“Even something small. What's one thing that would make your week a little easier?” - Ask for an example, then thank them.
One follow-up so you're sure what they mean. Don't explain or defend. You can decide what you think later.
You“That's really useful, thank you. Can you think of a recent time, so I know what to look for?” - Change something they'll notice.
Act on it within a week or two, even partly, and mention it next time. That's what tells them it was worth saying.
Tip: If you disagree after thinking it over, say what you will change and ask about the rest. That still counts.
Good times to repeat it: every month or two in a 1:1a few weeks into working with a new managerafter a busy project wraps up
Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
Telling someone what to change can go badly, and many managers have seen it go badly. How you react the first time decides whether they're honest the second time.
What might make this harder
Take it at face value this time. Ask again in a month with something narrower, such as what would make the week before a deadline easier for them.
Questions people ask
What is a good question to ask my manager for feedback?
Try: is there anything I could do, or stop doing, that would make it easier to work with me? It's specific, it's about working together, and it has no easy polite answer.
What is Radical Candor?
A management approach from Kim Scott's book of the same name: care personally and challenge directly. One of its core ideas is that managers should ask for criticism before they give it.
What should I do if my manager says I'm doing everything fine?
Thank them, then ask something narrower, such as one small thing that would make their week easier. If it's still nothing, ask again in a month.
How should I react when my manager criticizes my work?
Listen, ask for an example, and thank them. Decide what you think afterward. Acting on even part of it tells them it was worth saying.
Why this works, and where it comes from
Most people get less honest input from their manager than their manager could give. It isn't that managers have nothing to say. Telling someone what to change is a small risk, and most managers wait for a moment that feels safe. Often that moment never comes, until a review, when the small thing has become a pattern with a rating attached.
The question on this page comes from Kim Scott's Radical Candor. Scott's advice to managers is to ask for criticism before giving it, and she suggests a go-to question much like this one. It works just as well pointed upward. Asking your manager tells them you actually want to know, and it hands them wording that's about working together rather than about your worth. That wording makes the answer easier to give.
Most of what makes it work happens after the question. If you get defensive, they learn not to try again. If you listen, ask for an example and quietly change something, they learn it's safe. What you do with the first answer decides whether you get a second one. It's also worth asking why the thing matters to them. The answer is often about their own pressures, a boss who dislikes surprises, a deadline you can't see, and understanding that tends to teach you more than the behavior itself.
It's not the right move in the middle of a crisis or the week after hard news. And the answer might be something you disagree with. That's fine. You asked to hear it, not to agree with it. Say what you'll change, ask about the rest, and keep asking every month or two.
Other simple things to consider
What to do next
More in Working with your manager
A few minutes that compound
Do it with Truest and it goes on your permanent record, in a Career Vault your employer doesn’t own.
See how Truest worksAlready a member? Log in- A reminder beforePut it on your calendar and Truest reminds you before it starts.
- It comes back if it slipsA missed one comes back around instead of disappearing.
- On your recordWhen it's done, it goes on your record with your priorities and progress.
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An exercise written by Truest, based on our experience. Last updated September 25, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.