Something to readWorking with others
Nonviolent Communication
A book that offers a language of life: four steps for saying hard things without blame, and hearing others the same way
Why it’s worth your time
A lot of friction at work starts when an observation arrives wrapped in a judgment. Marshall Rosenberg, a clinical psychologist who spent decades teaching conflict resolution around the world, offers four steps: say what you observed, how you feel, what you need and what you're asking for. It can sound stilted at first, and the moves underneath are worth learning even if you never use the exact phrasing.
How to say hard things without blame
The book · About 6 hours of reading · Buy or borrow
How to get it
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- Start with the four components.
The book walks through observations, feelings, needs and requests in turn, with stories, examples and role-plays. Those are the method. The rest shows them at work, including how to listen with empathy when someone else's words sound like an attack.
- Rewrite one complaint in four parts.
Think of something at work that's bothering you about someone else. Write what happened as a camera would record it, one feeling word, the need behind it, and one specific thing you'd like them to do. You don't have to say it word for word; notice how the conversation you'd have changes.
Good moments for this: before a hard conversationwhen you're about to send an angry messageafter a conflict with a coworker
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Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
Said word for word at work, the four steps can sound like a script, and that tends to show. Using the structure to prepare, then speaking in your own voice, usually lands better.
What might make this harder
The method still helps you get clear, but a clear request doesn't guarantee a fair response. Put important requests in writing and keep a note of what happened.
Questions people ask
What are the four components of Nonviolent Communication?
Observations made without evaluating, feelings, the needs behind those feelings, and requests: specific actions you ask for that the other person is free to decline.
Does Nonviolent Communication work at work?
It can be a useful way to prepare for difficult conversations and feedback. The book covers work alongside home and community, so expect to translate some of its examples.
Is there evidence that Nonviolent Communication works?
Some, but it's thinner than the book's popularity suggests. A 2021 randomized trial among medical students in France found a small improvement on one empathy measure and none on others; its authors read that as promising and noted how little experimental research on the method there is yet.
Who was Marshall Rosenberg?
An American clinical psychologist whose work with 1960s civil rights activists gave rise to Nonviolent Communication. He started the Center for Nonviolent Communication in 1984, taught the approach in dozens of countries, and died in 2015.
What it says, and how it holds up
Marshall Rosenberg grew up in Detroit, trained as a clinical psychologist and developed Nonviolent Communication out of work with civil rights activists and school desegregation efforts in the 1960s. He spent much of his life teaching it, in more than 60 countries, to teachers, managers, police, prisoners and families. The premise is that much of how we talk, from blaming to labeling to demanding, works against getting what we actually need.
The book lays out four moves. Describe what happened without evaluating it. Name a feeling rather than a verdict on someone. Connect the feeling to a need. Then make a specific request the other person is free to refuse. The same four run in reverse when you listen, guessing at what someone feels and needs behind words that sound hostile. It's as much about home and community as work, but the work uses are plain: feedback, disagreements and any message you're tempted to send in anger. Microsoft's Satya Nadella has said it was one of the first books he recommended to his colleagues as CEO.
The evidence is thinner than its reach. In a 2021 randomized trial with French medical students, Epinat-Duclos and colleagues found a modest gain on one empathy questionnaire and no change on others. They read that as promising and called for NVC training in medical school, while noting that very few experimental studies of the method exist. Used as a script, the formula can also feel like a technique being applied to the listener, and clear language alone doesn't change who holds the power in a room.
Careful phrasing isn't the fix for everything. If someone is being harassed, discriminated against or treated unfairly, the right steps are documentation, HR or outside advice, and protections depend on where you work. And when a disagreement is about facts or a business call, the four steps help with tone, but you'll still need the evidence.
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Picked by Truest and described in our own words. The original belongs to its creator. Last updated October 9, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.