Something to doWorking with your manager
Ask how your manager likes to work
A first conversation to learn how your manager likes to work, so the everyday stuff stops getting in the way
Why it’s worth your time
Plenty of friction with a manager isn't about the work at all; it's about format and timing. One manager wants a quick message the moment something slips, another wants a considered note with options by the end of the day. Asking once saves months of guessing, and asking before anything goes wrong means you'll know exactly what to do when something does.
How to learn your manager's working style
You’ll come away with a few lines on how your manager likes to work, and a plan for when things go wrong.
We’ll turn this into a checklist you can tick off.
- Ask for the conversation, framed as getting it right.
It works especially well in the first weeks with a new manager, but it's never too late.
You“I'd like to make sure I'm working with you in the way that suits you best. Could we spend 15 minutes on how you like updates and how you want to hear about problems?” - Ask about updates: how, how often, how much.
A message, an email, a doc, or saved for the 1:1? Daily, weekly, or only when something changes? The headline, or the detail?
You“When you want to know how something's going, what's the easiest way for you to get it, and how often?” - Ask how they want bad news.
This is the most useful question of the lot. Some managers want to hear the moment something slips, even without a fix; others would rather wait an hour for a plan. Find out which, and what counts as urgent.
You“If something's going wrong, how do you want to hear about it? Right away, or once I have a plan? And what's urgent enough to interrupt you?” - Share how you work, too.
Once they've answered, say one or two things that help you: how you like feedback, when you do your best thinking, what makes a request easy to act on.
- Write down the gist, and revisit it.
A few lines for yourself, or a short note back to them so you're both working from the same understanding. Come back to it when something changes, like a reorg or a new role.
Tip: If what they said and what they do turn out to differ, follow what they do, and ask about it kindly.
Good moments for this: in the first few weeks with a new managerwhen you change roles or teamsonce a year, to check it still holds
We’ll turn this into a checklist you can tick off.
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Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
Most working relationships run on guesswork about style. Asking signals care, and managers tend to remember who did.
What might make this harder
Offer a default and ask them to correct it, for example a short written update on Fridays and a message the same day for anything urgent.
Questions people ask
What questions should I ask a new manager?
Beyond goals, ask how they like updates, how often, and how they want to hear about problems. Those answers prevent a lot of early friction.
How do I figure out my manager's communication style?
Ask directly, then watch what they actually respond to. Asking gets you their stated preferences; watching tells you whether those hold.
How should I tell my manager bad news?
Ideally the way they've told you they want it, which is why it's worth asking early. In general, sooner beats later, and a rough next step helps.
Is it okay to tell my manager how I like to work?
Yes, especially after you've asked about theirs. Sharing one or two things that help you do your best work makes it easier for them to support you.
Why this works, and where it comes from
A surprising amount of friction with a manager has nothing to do with the work. It's about format and timing: how things get said, how often, and through which channel. You send a detailed email; they wanted two lines. You wait until you have a fix; they wanted to know an hour ago. Neither of you is wrong. You're working from different assumptions, and nobody has said theirs out loud.
Most people work this out by trial and error over months, if at all. Asking directly skips most of that. It's also a kindness. Your manager may have several people reporting to them, each with their own habits, and someone who adapts to how they work makes their week noticeably easier.
The question about bad news matters most. How someone wants to hear that something went wrong is hard to guess and costly to get wrong. Agreeing on it when nothing is wrong means that when something is, you both already know what happens next. For some managers that's a message the moment it slips; for others it's a call once you have options. Either is fine. The bad version is finding out mid-crisis.
It works best in both directions. Once you've heard how they like to work, say one or two things about how you do. You're not asking them to change; you're giving them the same head start you just got. And treat what you learn as a starting point. People describe how they'd like to work, and then they work how they work. Watch, adjust, and ask again when things change. One time not to start this conversation: mid-crisis, when your manager needs the update itself. Deal with the moment first and ask afterward.
Other simple things to consider
More in Working with your manager
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An exercise written by Truest, based on our experience. Last updated October 2, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.