Working with others
Ask what success looks like to them
A simple conversation to learn what the people you work with need from you, and to tell them what you need
Sit down with a peer or someone you lead and ask what they need from you, what success looks like for them, and how they like to hear from you.
- About 20 minutes
- You and one colleague
- Every few months
- Conversation
Why this can work
A lot of friction at work comes from guessing what the other person needs and guessing wrong. Asking directly, in a calm moment rather than after something went sideways, gets you answers you can act on and shows you care about their success. When you share your side too, it becomes an agreement rather than an interview.
Read moreHow to ask coworkers what they need from you
You’ll come away with what they need from you, plus one thing to keep doing and one to change.
- Pick one person and ask for 20 minutes.
A peer you work with closely, or someone on your team. Say why you're asking, so it doesn't sound like trouble is coming.
To: a colleagueI'd like to make sure I'm being as useful to you as I can. Could we grab 20 minutes this week?
I'd love to hear what you need from me, what a good result looks like on your side, and how you like to get updates or requests. I'll share mine too.
Swap the highlighted parts for your thing. Works on Slack, in email, or said out loud. - Ask what success looks like on their side.
What are they working toward, and what does a good month look like? Listen for what they need from you to get there.
You“What does a really good month look like for you, and what could I do to make it more likely?” - Ask how they like to be communicated with.
Message or call, detail or headline, early heads-up or finished work. These small preferences cause more friction than they should, and they're easy to fix once you know them.
- Ask what you should keep doing and what to think about changing.You“What's one thing I do that you'd want me to keep doing? And one thing you'd want me to think about changing?”
Tip: Say think about. It gives them room to be honest, and leaves the decision with you.
- Share your side, then agree on one change each.
Tell them what helps you and how you like to work. Then each pick one thing you'll do differently, and check back in a month.
Good times to repeat it: every few months with the people you work with mostwhen someone new joins the teamafter a project that felt bumpy
Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
With someone you lead, this can feel like an evaluation. Saying you want to be more useful to them lowers the stakes.
What might make this harder
Ask about a specific recent moment: the last handoff, the last meeting you ran together. Concrete questions get concrete answers.
Questions people ask
What questions should I ask coworkers so we work better together?
What they need from you, what success looks like on their side, how they like to be communicated with, and what you should keep doing or think about changing.
How do I ask my team what they need from me as a manager?
Frame it as wanting to be more useful to them, ask a few specific questions, and share one thing you're working on first. Then act on one thing they say, visibly.
How do I find out someone's communication preferences?
Ask them directly, with a few concrete choices: how they like to get updates, how much detail they want, and whether they'd rather hear early or see finished work. Most people are glad to be asked, and it saves both sides a lot of small friction.
Why this works, and where it comes from
Working with someone is mostly a set of guesses about them. You guess they want detail, so you send a long update; they wanted the headline. You guess they're fine with late changes; they've been quietly frustrated for months. Many of those guesses could be replaced by asking once. It rarely happens, because it feels odd to ask something so basic, and because we assume we'd have heard by now if something were wrong.
The conversation runs in both directions. It's easy to treat working relationships as things to manage upward, toward the boss, and to assume peers and the people you lead will simply adapt. But they have their own definitions of success, their own pressures and their own preferences, and knowing them makes you easier to work with. Telling them yours is the other half. People can't give you what you need if they have to guess it too.
Keep doing and think about changing is a gentler pair than strengths and weaknesses, and it tends to get more honest answers. Keep doing tells you what they rely on, which matters because those are the things people quietly drop when they get busy. Think about changing leaves the decision with you, so saying it doesn't feel like criticism.
A rocky relationship isn't a reason to skip this; asking what success looks like on their side is often how things start to mend. It won't settle a specific disagreement on its own, though, and that may still need its own direct conversation, sometimes with a manager's help. With your own manager, the curiosity is the same, but the questions shift toward their goals and your priorities.
Other simple things to consider
What to do next
More in Working with others
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An exercise written by Truest, based on our experience. Last updated September 25, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.