Something to doWorking with others
Learn how someone likes to get feedback
A simple exercise to make future feedback easier to give, and easier to hear
Why it’s worth your time
The same comment can land as help or as an attack, depending on how and when it arrives. Asking how someone likes to hear input, while nothing is at stake, means that when you do have something to say, you can say it in a way they can use. It also tells them you care how it lands, which is a big part of what makes feedback work.
How to ask someone how they like to receive feedback
You’ll come away with a short note on how one person likes to hear input, and them knowing the same about you.
We’ll turn this into a checklist you can tick off.
- Pick someone you work with closely.
A peer, a new teammate, someone who reports to you, or your manager. It works best early in a working relationship, or at a calm moment in an existing one.
- Ask when nothing is wrong.
Bring it up in passing or at the end of a regular chat, and say why, so it doesn't sound like something is coming.
To: a colleagueSince we're working together a lot, a quick question for whenever you have a minute: when you get input on your work, how do you like to get it? Written or in person, right away or after you've had time to think?
I'll go first: how you like to get input. No wrong answers, I just want to get it right.
Swap the highlighted parts for your thing. Works on Slack, in email, or said out loud. - Ask about the best feedback they ever got.
People often can't name a preference but can describe a good experience. What made it work tells you more than a checkbox answer.
You“What's the most useful feedback you've ever gotten, and what made it land?” - Share your own answer.
It works both ways. Tell them how you like to hear things, so they don't have to guess either.
You“For me, a quick message the same day is best. I'd rather know while I can still fix it.” - Write it down, and use it.
One line in your notes: how they like it, and anything to avoid. Look at it the next time you have something to say.
Tip: A preference shapes how you say it, not whether. Someone who likes input in writing still needs to hear the hard thing.
Good moments for this: when you start working with someone newwhen you become someone's managerafter feedback that didn't land well
We’ll turn this into a checklist you can tick off.
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Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
Some people want input in writing so they can react in private. Others want it live because text reads colder than it's meant. Neither is fragile; they just take things in differently.
What might make this harder
Ask about the best feedback they ever got and what made it work. People who can't state a preference can usually describe one.
Questions people ask
How do you ask someone how they like to receive feedback?
Ask at a calm moment, when nothing is wrong: do you prefer input in writing or in person, right away or after some time? Then share your own answer.
Should feedback be given in person or in writing?
It depends on the person and the message. Some people take written input better because they can react privately; others find text colder than intended. Asking is the reliable way to know.
How do I make feedback easier for a coworker to hear?
Know how they like to receive it, be specific, and say why it matters. Agreeing on the how in advance makes the actual conversation much easier.
Is it strange to ask a coworker about their feedback preferences?
Not if you say why and share yours too. Most people appreciate being asked, and it signals that you care how things land.
Why this works, and where it comes from
A lot of feedback that goes wrong goes wrong in the delivery. The same words can be help or an attack, depending on when and how they arrive. A comment in the team chat an hour before someone presents can throw them; the same comment the next morning is useful. Someone who needs to react in private may bristle at live criticism they'd have taken well in writing.
The trouble is that most of us give feedback the way we like to get it, and assume everyone else is the same. Often they aren't. Asking, before you ever need to say something, removes the guessing. It's also a quietly generous question. It tells the person you care how things land for them, and that when you're honest with them, you plan to be honest in a way they can use.
It runs both ways. When you tell someone how you like to hear input, you make it easier for them to be straight with you. Plenty of people would say more if they knew how to say it without it going badly. You've just told them.
This is Truest's version of a familiar idea, the conversation some teams have when they agree how they'll work together, done between two people in a few minutes. It isn't a way to avoid hard things. Knowing someone prefers writing doesn't mean you water down what you write. It means the honest thing arrives in a form they can take in.
Other simple things to consider
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An exercise written by Truest, based on our experience. Last updated October 2, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.