Working with others
Swap notes with someone who works very differently
A simple exercise to work better with someone whose style is nothing like yours, by trading what each of you needs
Ask a colleague how they like to work and what good looks like to them, then share the same about yourself.
- 20 minutes
- You and one colleague
- Once, early on
- Conversation
Why this can work
Asking someone directly how they like to work, and what good looks like to them, replaces months of guessing with an answer. Sharing your own gives them the same shortcut. Differences that felt like friction tend to become things the two of you can plan around.
Read moreHow to work with someone with a different working style
You’ll come away with a few things each of you now knows about how the other works best.
- Pick your moment.
A new project together, a new team, or after a few small collisions. Framing it as getting off on the right foot tends to land better than framing it as fixing something.
- Ask for 20 minutes, and say why.
Offer to go first. It makes the ask feel like a trade rather than an interview.
To: your colleagueI've noticed we come at shared work pretty differently, one difference, for example I like things in writing and you like to talk them through, and I think we'd both get more done if we understood each other's way of working.
Would you be up for 20 minutes to swap notes? How we each like to get information, when we do our best work, what good looks like for each of us. Happy to go first.
Swap the highlighted parts for your thing. Works on Slack, in email, or said out loud. - Ask the questions, and listen.
How do they like to get information: written or talked through, detail or headline? When are they at their best? What makes working with people harder for them? Then the one that matters most.
You“What does a really good outcome look like for you on this?” - Share yours, just as plainly.
Answer the same questions about yourself, specifically. “I think out loud and like to talk things through before writing them down” tells someone far more than “I'm collaborative.”
Tip: Include one thing you know can make you hard to work with. It makes it easier for them to be honest too.
- Agree on one or two adjustments.
Look for where your answers rub, and pick a small fix for each, like a written summary after calls or a day's notice before deadlines. Jot them down somewhere you'll both see.
Good times to repeat it: at the start of working with someone newwhen a new project brings you togetherafter a few small collisions
Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
A detail-first colleague and a big-picture one often make a stronger pair than two of the same, once they know it. The goal is to understand the difference, not erase it.
What might make this harder
Keep it light and ask just one question: what's one thing that makes working with people easier for you?
Questions people ask
How do you work with someone who has a completely different working style?
Ask them how they like to work and what good looks like to them, share the same about yourself, and agree on one or two small adjustments. Most differences become manageable once they're said out loud.
What questions should I ask a coworker about how they like to work?
How they like to get information, when they do their best work, what a good outcome looks like for them, and what makes working with people harder.
Is it weird to ask a coworker how they like to work?
Not usually. Most people are glad to be asked, especially if you offer to go first. Framing it as wanting to be a better collaborator helps.
Why this works, and where it comes from
Working with someone very different tends to feel, at first, like working with someone difficult. The fast mover finds the careful one slow; the careful one finds the fast mover reckless. The one who thinks out loud finds the quiet one hard to read, and the quiet one finds the talker exhausting. Most style clashes come from each person assuming the other works the way they do.
The fix runs in both directions. Understanding what someone needs, what success looks like for them, and how they like to be communicated with only goes halfway; telling them the same about you is the other half. When only one person adapts, it tends to wear them out. When both do, it's usually a few small adjustments each.
The question that does the most work is what a good outcome looks like to them. Two people aiming at slightly different targets will clash however friendly they are, and what someone is measured on often explains more about their style than their personality does. Teams sometimes formalize this kind of exchange as a working agreement or a personal user manual. Here it's simply a conversation between two people, both ways, before anything gets written down.
It's the wrong conversation when the difference isn't really style. If someone is dismissive, undermining, or disrespectful, calling it a difference in working preferences makes it sound like a matter of taste, and it needs a more direct conversation, or your manager. Give it a few weeks first if you've only just met; working together a little will give you better questions to ask.
Other simple things to consider
What to do next
More in Working with others
Help people get you
Do it with Truest and it goes on your permanent record, in a Career Vault your employer doesn’t own.
See how Truest worksAlready a member? Log in- How you work, written downWorking With Me turns how you work into a page you can point people to.
- The version you shareMosaic is how you work on one page, shared by link.
- A reminder beforePut it on your calendar and Truest reminds you before it starts.
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An exercise written by Truest, based on our experience. Last updated September 25, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.