Something to doWorking with others
Notice where your styles differ
A worksheet to understand how a colleague communicates, and ask in a way that lands
Why it’s worth your time
Much of the friction between two capable people comes from the distance between their styles, not from either style being wrong. Someone who says things plainly and someone who hints can both be communicating clearly by their own standards, and still misread each other every week. Seeing where you sit relative to each other tells you what to adjust.
How to adapt your communication style to a coworker
You’ll come away with one change to how you ask this colleague for things.
We’ll turn this into a checklist you can tick off.
- Pick one colleague and one recent moment.
Someone you work with often, where requests or feedback don't quite land. Think of a specific exchange that went slightly wrong.
- Jot down where each of you sits.
Use the scales below. Place yourself first, honestly, then them, based on what you've actually seen. A few words each is enough.
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Tip: What matters is the distance between you, not where either of you sits.
- Find the widest gap.
Where are you furthest apart? That's usually where the friction lives. Look back at the moment you picked through that gap and see if it explains it.
- Change one thing about how you ask.
Move a little toward them on that one scale: more context or less, a softer frame or a plainer one, more time or a quicker answer. Just one thing.
- Ask them, if it feels right.
The fastest way to learn someone's style is to ask. It lands best framed as wanting to work well together, and it's a fair question in both directions.
You“I want to make sure I'm asking for things in a way that works for you. Do you prefer I get straight to it, or give you more of the background first?”
Good moments for this: when one working relationship keeps having frictionwhen you start working with someone newwhen you join a team spread across countries
We’ll turn this into a checklist you can tick off.
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Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
It's easy to see other people's style and assume yours is neutral. It isn't. To them, yours may be the one that's a bit much, or a bit vague.
What might make this harder
Watch how they ask you for things, and how they disagree. People often communicate the way they'd like to be communicated with. Or simply ask.
Questions people ask
How do I work with someone who has a different communication style?
Notice where you differ, for example plain versus indirect, or fast versus careful, and adjust how you ask on the scale where you're furthest apart. Asking them what works best is often the quickest route.
What is The Culture Map?
A book by Erin Meyer about how cultures differ in the way people communicate, give negative feedback, build trust and make decisions. A central idea is that what matters is where people sit relative to each other.
How do I adapt my communication style at work?
Pick one person and the one scale where you differ most, and move a little toward them: more context or less, softer or plainer, faster or slower. One change at a time.
What's the difference between direct and indirect communication?
Direct communicators say what they mean plainly and expect to be taken at their word. Indirect communicators rely more on context and implication. Both can be perfectly clear to people who share the style.
Why this works, and where it comes from
Some colleagues are easy to work with and some aren't, and it's tempting to put that down to personality. Often it's something narrower. Two people can each be communicating well by their own standards and still misread each other every week. One says what they need in a single plain line; the other hears it as abrupt. One hints politely; the other doesn't notice there was a request at all.
The idea behind this exercise comes from Erin Meyer's The Culture Map, which describes how cultures differ on a set of scales: how explicitly people communicate, how bluntly they give negative feedback, whether trust is built through work or through relationships, and more. Her book is about national cultures, and she's careful to say individuals vary within them. The part that travels to any two people is her point about relative position. What causes friction is less where each of you sits than how far apart you are. Someone who seems very direct to one colleague can seem restrained to another.
That's why placing yourself matters as much as placing them. It's easy to treat your own style as the neutral one, when from across the gap yours is the style that takes getting used to. Truest's version uses three of Meyer's scales that show up most in everyday asks, adds one of our own, fast or careful, and ends with a single change you can make the next time you need something from this person.
Hold what you notice lightly. You're forming a working guess about one colleague, not a verdict on them or a stereotype about where they're from, and the simplest check is to ask. It runs both ways, too. Once you've moved a little toward them, it's perfectly fair to tell them how you like to work.
Other simple things to consider
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Written by Truest, based on The Culture Map (Erin Meyer). Last updated September 25, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.