Working with others
Learn how each person likes to work
A simple exercise to learn how each person on your team likes to be managed, and tell them how you work too
Ask each person on your team how they like to get feedback, recognition and messages, write down what they say, and share the same about yourself.
- 20 minutes
- You and each report
- Once, then yearly
- Conversation
Why this can work
People differ a lot in how they want to be managed, and managers often find out by getting it wrong. A short conversation replaces the guessing: who wants feedback on the spot and who wants it the next day, who loves a public thank-you and who would quietly hate it. Sharing your own answers in return makes it an exchange rather than an interview.
Read moreHow to learn how your employees like to work
You’ll come away with a short note on how each person likes to work, and one about you they can read.
- Write your own answers first.
Answer the questions you're about to ask: how you like to get feedback, what kind of recognition means something to you, how and when you like to be reached, and one thing people often misread about you.
Tip: Going first makes it easier for them, and shows it isn't a test.
- Ask each person for 20 minutes.
Say why, so it doesn't sound like something is wrong, and send the questions ahead so they can think. A 1:1 you already have works fine.
To: each person on your teamI'd like to spend 20 minutes in our next 1:1 on something I should have asked sooner: how you like to work with me.
A few questions to think about. How do you like to get feedback: in the moment or later, in writing or in person? What kind of recognition feels good to you, and what kind makes you cringe? How do you like to be reached, and when would you rather not be? What's one thing people sometimes get wrong about you?
I'll share my answers to the same questions. There are no right answers, and nothing goes anywhere but my own notes.
Swap the highlighted parts for your thing. Works on Slack, in email, or said out loud. - Ask the questions, and ask for an example.
Examples make answers usable. Direct means different things to different people; the last time feedback really helped tells you what they mean by it.
You“Think of a time someone gave you feedback that really helped. What did they do that worked?” - Share your answers.
Tell them yours, including the thing people tend to misread. It saves them learning it the hard way.
- Write it down and use it.
A few lines per person, somewhere you'll see before your 1:1s. Use it the next time you give feedback or say thanks, and show them what you wrote so they can correct it.
Good times to repeat it: when someone joins your teamwhen you take over a new teamonce a year, to check it still holds
Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
A confident person may want feedback privately and later; someone quiet may love a public shout-out. The point is to stop assuming your own preferences are everyone's.
What might make this harder
Ask about a specific time: the most useful feedback they've had, or a thank-you that felt awkward. Concrete memories are easier to talk about than preferences.
Questions people ask
What questions should a manager ask to learn how employees like to work?
How they like to get feedback, what kind of recognition they value, how and when they like to be reached, and what people tend to misunderstand about them. Asking for an example of each makes the answers usable.
What is a personal user manual at work?
A short written guide to how someone works best: how they communicate, how they like feedback, and what others should know about them. Some teams write and share them so people don't have to guess.
How do I find out how an employee likes to receive feedback?
Ask them, and ask about a time feedback really helped. Their example will tell you more than a general preference.
Should managers share how they like to work?
Yes. Your team is guessing about you as much as you're guessing about them, and your answers make it easier for them to share theirs.
Why this works, and where it comes from
Many managers manage the way they'd like to be managed. It's a reasonable place to start and often wrong. Two people can hear the same sentence of feedback completely differently, depending on when, where and how it arrives. A shout-out in the team channel feels like recognition to one person and like being put on the spot to another. Without asking, you mostly find out from the misses, and people rarely tell you about those.
It runs in both directions. Your team spends real energy decoding you: whether a short reply means you're annoyed, whether a late-night message needs an answer tonight, what you actually mean by take a look. Telling them how you work removes that guesswork, and going first makes it easier for them to be honest about themselves.
Some teams formalize this as personal user manuals, short documents on how each person works best, written and shared around the team. What you're doing here is closer to the conversation that produces one: the manager goes first, asks for examples, and keeps the notes. The conversation matters more than the document, because it tells people you intend to adjust.
It won't help much if what's really in the way is trust, say with someone who had a hard year under you. That needs a direct conversation about what happened first, and this can come later. A preference also isn't a veto: someone who dislikes written feedback still needs to hear it sometimes. What changes is how you give it, not whether.
Other simple things to consider
What to do next
More in Working with others
Help people get you
Do it with Truest and it goes on your permanent record, in a Career Vault your employer doesn’t own.
See how Truest worksAlready a member? Log in- How you work, written downWorking With Me turns how you work into a page you can point people to.
- The version you shareMosaic is how you work on one page, shared by link.
- A reminder beforePut it on your calendar and Truest reminds you before it starts.
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An exercise written by Truest, based on our experience. Last updated September 25, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.