Something to doWorking with others
Learn the unwritten rules
A simple conversation to learn how things really work where you are, from someone who has already figured it out
Why it’s worth your time
Every workplace runs on rules nobody wrote down, and the fastest way to learn them is to ask someone who already has. On your own you tend to pick them up slowly, usually by getting one wrong. One honest conversation with a peer can save you months of guessing, and it often starts a working relationship worth having.
How to learn the unwritten rules at a new job
You’ll come away with a working map of how things get done here, and someone to check it with.
We’ll turn this into a checklist you can tick off.
- Pick someone a little ahead of you.
A peer who has been here a year or two and seems to get things done without drama. Not your manager for this one; a peer can tell you things a manager might not think to mention.
Tip: If someone was friendly in your first weeks, that's often your person.
- Ask for 20 minutes, and say why.
Make it clear you want to learn how things work, not trade stories about people. Coffee, a walk or a call all work.
To: a peer you trustI'm still figuring out how things really work here, beyond what's in the onboarding docs, and you seem to have a good read on it.
Would you have 20 minutes in the next week or two? I'd love to hear how decisions actually get made, who's good to loop in, and anything you wish someone had told you early on. Coffee's on me.
Swap the highlighted parts for your thing. Works on Slack, in email, or said out loud. - Ask the three questions.
How do decisions actually get made? Who should you loop in, and when? What gets noticed here, good or bad, that nobody mentions in onboarding? Then ask for their advice, which is often where the best answer is.
You“If you were starting here again, what advice would you give yourself?” - Ask why when something surprises you.
Most unwritten rules have a reason: something that went wrong once, a strong preference, a customer that matters more than it looks. Knowing the reason lets you apply the rule to situations your peer didn't think to mention.
You“Huh, why do you think it works that way?” - Try one thing, then tell them how it went.
Use one piece of what you heard this week. A short note afterward saying what you tried is the best thank-you, and it makes the next question easy to ask.
Tip: Keep what they told you to yourself. Being trusted with it is part of what you're building.
Good moments for this: in your first month somewhere newafter a reorg or a new managerwhen something happens that you didn't see coming
We’ll turn this into a checklist you can tick off.
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Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
Most of these rules exist for a reason, even if the reason is old. Understand why before you decide whether it's one you want to follow.
What might make this harder
Ask someone who was friendly in your first weeks, or who helped with your onboarding. Asking is often how the trust starts.
Questions people ask
What are the unwritten rules at work?
The norms nobody documents: how decisions really get made, who expects to be consulted, how people like to get updates, and what gets noticed. They vary a lot from team to team, which is why asking someone beats guessing.
How do I learn how things work at a new job?
Watch for a few weeks, then ask a peer who has been there a year or two to walk you through it. Ask how decisions get made, who to loop in and what gets noticed, and ask why when something surprises you.
Who should I ask about office politics?
A peer a little ahead of you whose judgment you trust. Frame it as how things work rather than who's difficult; you'll get a more useful answer and a more comfortable conversation.
Is it okay to ask coworkers how things really work?
Usually, yes. Most people are glad to help someone new get it right, and being asked for your read is a small compliment. Keep what they share to yourself.
Why this works, and where it comes from
Every workplace has two rulebooks. One is the handbook, the onboarding deck, the org chart. The other is the one people actually run on: which meetings matter, who needs to hear about something before it's decided, whether a quick message or a written proposal is how things move. Most unwritten rules aren't secrets, they're just things nobody thought to say out loud. The people who know them absorbed them slowly and have mostly forgotten they were ever not obvious.
Early in a career, and early anywhere new, that second rulebook is invisible. You tend to learn it by stepping on it: the decision made without the person who expected a say, the update sent to the wrong channel, the effort poured into something nobody here rewards. None of that is a character flaw. It's missing information, and missing information is one of the few problems you can fix just by asking.
Asking a peer works partly because of who they are to you. They're close enough to your work to know the details and far enough from your review to be candid. From their side, being asked is flattering and a little delicate, so keeping your questions about how things work, and asking for advice rather than a rundown of personalities, makes it easy for them to be generous. A rule you understand, you can apply to situations nobody mentioned. A rule you only memorized, you'll misapply the first time it bends.
It isn't a substitute for your manager, who sets what's expected of you, and it isn't a way to learn who to avoid. If what you hear describes a place where the real rule is that nothing can be said out loud, that's worth knowing too, and worth thinking about honestly. Most of the time, though, the map you get is ordinary and useful, and the person who drew it becomes someone you can go back to.
Other simple things to consider
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An exercise written by Truest, based on our experience. Last updated October 2, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.