Something to listen toWorking with your manager
My boss is a jerk to me
A 34-minute Ask a Manager episode coaching a listener whose new boss singles her out
Why it’s worth your time
On this Ask a Manager episode, Alison Green takes on a boss who's harsh with you and warm with everyone else, and her answer is practical. She talks it through with a listener a few months into a new job and settles on one direct, carefully worded conversation before anything else. You can come away with the words, the risk and what to do with whatever you hear.
What to do when your boss is only mean to you
- Listen to the episode.
The listener describes her boss in the first part. Green's advice starts after the first break: why she doesn't recommend waiting it out, the exact wording she'd use, the risk that raising it speeds things up, and when going above the boss or to HR makes sense.
- Ask for a conversation about how things are going.
Request the time ahead, so it isn't sprung on them. In the meeting, ask what they'd like you to focus on, then say you've had the impression they're frustrated with you or your work, that you want their feedback, and ask whether you're reading it right.
Good moments for this: a few months into a new jobafter another tense 1:1before you start a job search over one person
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Making it work for you
Every workplace is different. Here’s what to think about before you start, and what might get in the way.
Things to think about
Green is direct that asking how things are going might move the conversation toward whether the job is a fit. Her view is that it's better to know than be blindsided, so think about your options before you ask.
What might make this harder
Ask for one or two recent examples and what good would have looked like. Afterward, send a short note of what you agreed so there's a shared record.
Questions people ask
What should I do if my boss is only mean to me?
Green's advice in this episode is not to wait it out. Ask for a set time to review how things have been going, say you've sensed frustration and want to know if you're reading it right, then decide whether to stay based on what you learn.
Should I go to HR about a mean boss?
In Green's view, HR should step in on clear-cut issues like harassment, discrimination or yelling, but tends to be more hands-off when hostility is subtler. Your company may be different, and protections depend on where you work.
Will leaving a job after a few months hurt my career?
Green's take is that one short stay after a solid stretch somewhere else usually isn't a problem; it's a pattern of short stays that draws attention.
What is the Ask a Manager podcast?
Alison Green's show, a companion to her Ask a Manager column, in which she talks through a listener's work problem with them. This episode is from 2018.
What it says, and how it holds up
When a boss is harsh with one person and pleasant with everyone else, Green reads it as something specific between the two of them, which is why she doesn't expect it to fade on its own. The listener in this episode has four years in her field and good reviews behind her, yet since starting her new role her manager picks apart her drafts, tells her she's being defensive, and tells her, in effect, that she isn't curious enough for the work. Green offers two guesses, both labeled speculation: a brand-new manager who's stressed and taking it out on the newest person, or a dislike that has little to do with the listener at all.
Her answer is a conversation, set up in advance and framed around how things are going overall. Whatever comes back, she argues, you leave with information you didn't have and can decide from there.
The episode is from 2018, and one listener's story can only go so far; Green's guesses about the boss may not fit yours. The steadiest thing in it is her reassurance near the end: even if you were doing poorly, a manager shouldn't handle it this way, so it isn't a referendum on you, and a mean boss can bend your sense of your own ability if you stay long enough.
If you're a new manager and you recognize yourself in the boss, the episode can work as a mirror. If Green's first guess fits you, the move is yours: a conversation with your report about what you need, said kindly, before it hardens into a pattern.
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Picked by Truest and described in our own words. The original belongs to its creator. Last updated October 9, 2026. We sell a career membership; where that’s relevant above, we say so.